How I Met Your Mother-The Never Ending Story
by regertz
Summary: Ted fesses up the rest of the story to his kids. And others…
1. Chapter 1

How I Met Your Mother-"The Never Ending Story…"

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Summary: Ted fesses up the rest of the story to his kids. And others…

Note: Before you jump on me if you prefer to stick to ending one as aired, fine by me. But they did create an upbeat alternate ending which can be viewed (sorry can't put the web link up on ffnet but try google search or youtube or go to my Buffy Rebecca verse in a few days.)

And oh, come on. After that Canadian rehersal dinner and the proposal, how could Barney ever let Robin go? And you know she'd kill him first. You want "in the real world", fine…Robin's not right for him and Ted's a fool to risk his happiness over the wrong girl but the right best friend

Prologue…

"And that kids, is the story of how I met your mother…"

Pause…

Long pause…Staring at stunned looks.

Awkwardly long pause…

Hmmn…Should I suggest ordering pizza?

….

"That's bull, dad. And you suck." Luke fumed.

"What…?" the narrative voice of Ted Mosby…His 'Bob Saget voice'…Stunned.

"This whole stupid story was one long tale about how much you want Aunt Robin. And it totally dissed Mom. Our. Dead. Mom." Penny glared.

"And it's a lie…Aunt Robin and Uncle Barney are still married." Luke noted. "Yeah, they fight a lot, especially when they think no one's watching but they're crazy about each other. They have three kids now, thanks to Uncle Barney getting her into that clinic in Toronto. Get your head outta your ass, Dad. Aunt Robin loves you but not that way."

"Kids? Kids…" As they rose, shaking heads and heading out the front door.

"Poor Mom." Penny sighed as Ted looked to her at the door as she paused. "She always knew, that's why she took so long to marry you. Which was only for us. Wish she hadn't bothered. It sucks being your kids, you selfish loser." She slammed door.

Uh…

But…

Cut to sheepish, forlorn 2030 Ted. Life in ruins, glumly sitting on bench of his porch like Michael Corleone at the end of "Godfather II", only more tragic.

Ok, maybe killing your brother and cutting yourself off from the woman you love forever and forcing the suicide of your dad's best friend might be a tad more dramatic…But I would argue that at least he kept his kids.

Till "Godfather III"…But hey, who cares about "Godfather III"?

Yes, my life in ruins…My wife's memory betrayed, my kids hating me forever.

No doubt Barney, my betrayed best friend…And Robin, my betrayed other best friend and ex-, sorta…Hating me as well, once my tale got told.

"There's no patching this tattered and broken Bro Code, this time. You will be expunged from brodom forever, ex-bro." glare.

"What my wife-bro says so brorightly, ex-bro." Barney nods, shaking head.

Aw…Robin and Barney beaming at each other…

Hmmn.

Maybe recording this thing for practice and burning a CD copy to have Lily and Marshall review wasn't such a good idea.

Stop…Lets try this again.

"Ok…" narrative voice sighs as 2030 Ted vanishes with house. "That's not what really happened. But I felt guilty over that other ending I fantasized. It was cruel to Tracy and to Barney, who, yes, has been a loving husband to Robin all these years. And yes, he did find that Dyad group, (yeah the one in the papers for certain possibly unethical experiments years ago but that was all over, we hope, by then), while he and Robin travelled the world for her job, and they found a way to impregnate her, yes with her own and Barney's offspring (tested, yes…Robin reported on the Dyad scandal, after all…) and they do have three kids. Robin, who so long denounced the very idea of having kids, risked her life three times to have Barney's kids. Insisting over Barney's increasingly desperate pleas, that, eh, one more couldn't hurt.

After all, the world had to have a Barney Stinson, Jr… To keep women on their toes, at least. As Robin put it.

Which did lead to a tricky situation which I might as well tell you kids about now, long as I'm getting to the real story. See, after all that risk, Aunt Robin and Uncle Barney were anxious to secure their childrens' futures…"

("Ted, Tracy…It's not that we don't love you both." 2020 Robin, in gown for upcoming interview with Senator in DC, diplomatic tone as she and Barney sat on sofa in the living room of Ted's home. "And I am sure that Luke will grow up to be a wonderful boy who'll make some girl very happy like his now legal dad." Winning…Award winning…Smile.

"Cab'll be here in fifteen minutes, honey. Ellie is marrying Marvin Erickson." Barney, decisively...And by Robin's own, fond admission, far better dressed, despite her gown. "It's done, folks."

"Done?" Ted stares. Tracy in chair in living room holding Luke in her arms, stunned look.

"Ellie is eight months old. Marvin's a little kid." Ted, blinking.

"So? You offered Luke in marriage to our daughter." Barney noted. "We considered your proposal, weighing all factors, and went with the legend…Wait for it for twenty one years…dary one."

"You offered Luke in marriage to Ellie?" Tracy eyed Ted.

Uh… "It was a…Joke…One night at the bar…That time you had to work on a paper." sheepish tone.

(Ok, it actually seemed a pretty neat idea at the time after four beers. A dad wants the best for his son, right?)

…Wait.

"You're taking Marvin Erickson over our son? He's the 'legendary' betrothal?"

Well, ok…Marvin Erickson…

Wait…Grim stare…

"You're trying to cut my Penny out of her betrothal to Marvin?" Ted fumed. "And when did Lily and Marshall…?"

So much for Lily's…"Oh, come on Ted, it's much too soon to be settling Marvin's and Penny's lives for them"…

Damn them! He slammed fist on chair arm.

"Oh, they haven't…Yet." Robin, shrugging… "But they'll be on board. I mean…Who could refuse our Ellie as a daughter-in-law?" confidence rapidly crossing to smugness.

"Of course I expect Marshall will want a few cows included in the dowry…" Barney noted.

Knew I should have offered cows…Oh, Penny. How could I have screwed up like this?

And let…Ellie Scherbatsky-Stinson win the Marvin. Over my beautiful daughter…

But it's not a done deal yet…And the game is not over. Narrow-eyed look to Barney and Robin, returned.

"You're arranging a marriage for your baby girl?" Tracy, blinking. "And Ted! Ted,I'm including you in this, don't you trying sneaking off to make comfort food for me." Grim look, big teeth set.

"No, ma'am." Ted, frozen in step.

"It's only logical." Barney insisted. "Given the quality we've observed of males available to Ellie. The terrifying examples of both my amazing if sordid career of hitting on everything female moving versus quote nice guy unquote Ted's sad and pathetic blundering about for years for true love, mixed, Ted must admit, with a few unquestionabl y asinine moments where he treated young women in ways that left me rather shocked, sir..." righteous look to Ted. Shocked, sir, Robin echoed. "And the rareness of truly perfect son-in-law material of Marshall Erickson caliber…What choice do we have but to resume the timeless and, more importantly, ever-successful system of parent arranged life hook-ups."

"It is a rough world out there." Robin agreed. "We can't let the best slip away."

"But Marvin? Over our Luke? And Ellie? Over my Penny girl?" Ted, beginning to fume. "And, you, Barney Stinson, are claiming I treated some of the women I dated…?" pause as Barney and Robin eye Ted.

Flashbacks to Ted behaving asininely….With several women.

"Oh, right…"

"And you know why it was worse." Robin, grimly.

"Because Barney always dumped them cold with thanks for a great bang and no chance of a future whereas I…" Ted, sighing.

"Ted." Grim tone. "Leave this to me." Tracy, eyes narrowed for battle.

"Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am." Ted, frozen again. "It was only a couple of times, when I was really hurting over other wome…Or my stalled career…Or both…

I did call them when you told me to." Plaintive tone.

"We've discussed this." Tracy explained. "Ted's made his amends."

"Ha, ha, ha…Ted's got in trouble…" Robin chortled.

"Just startin' for you, babe." She noted to a slightly disappointed Barney. "You come in now."

"Ha, ha, ha, ha…Yeah, big trouble." Barney beamed. "Ho, do I detect a few apron strings about the mighty Mosby?" Barney, guffawing.

"Ok. What do I say about riding Ted over his whipped ness in his own house beyond one quick series of 'Ted's in trouble, ha, ha, ha?" Robin hissed as Tracy glared.

"Yes, I mean, no..Ma'am." Barney nodded. "We do it at home or with Lily and Marshall so Tracy doesn't get all bristley like she's getting now. Or with Tracy too if she's a little mad at Ted and starts in on him."

"Enough, both of you." Frown. "And only when I'm really mad at you and kinda drunk, honey. Are you two crazy?" Tracy shook head. "Arranging marriages for your infants…"

"Why not? These days we enroll kids in college at birth." Barney noted. "And we want the best for our precious Elle girl. Hey, I would note Ted tried to cut in ahead of us…"

"Our sweetest Elle girl." Robin, cooing to smartphone in hand on which video of infant Ellie Scherbatsky-Stinson is displayed.

"Our mir…Wait for it…acle baby!" both in unison, body slapping.

"Gotta get that in before we go in for numero two…When it becomes a bit more routine." Robin, happily. "Only if the doctors swear absolutely no risk on an interview on your show." Barney insisted.

"Of…Course…" Robin lied, nodding earnestly to Barney's grim frown.

Baby…Miracle two baby…She pleaded, telepathically. Hey. It's all your fault for making it possible, my angel-knight.

Plllleasseee. I won't die, this time not even for one minute like with Ellie. I promise. I…Promise…Telepathic stroking…I promise you the sex to celebrate preggers two will be so legend…Wait for it till my break in three weeks when I can get implanted…dary, you won't even…

Yes I will. Barney, grim return. How legen…

Very…dary. Robin, beaming.

I see the interview, on your program, going nationwide…Barney frowned.

"And you haven't told Lily or Marshall about this 'little arrangement'?" Tracy eyed them.

Hmmn…The two stared.

Oh, right. Still with other people.

We'll mentally communicate about this later.

"Our Luke isn't…Our Penny girl, sleeping angelically upstairs, dreaming of her parfait knight errand, Marvin is to be denied…?" Ted…

"Sorry." At Tracy's glare…

"They'll be solid on it." Barney, breezily now. "Look, guys. I'm sure Luke will be a fine guy, a real Sir Ted of Mosby. Which for many a girl is just fine…Terrific."

"'Just fine…'?" Ted.

"And Penny is wonderful…But come on…" Robin, happily smug.

"Ted."

"Oh, come on Tracy…" to her look. "They're dissing our kids…And I think, me."

"Lily isn't arranging a marriage for Marvin with Ellie." Tracy, calmly. "Though we will discuss the said 'dissin' in a bit."

"What? Why not? Have you heard something?" Robin and Barney in unison.

Ooohhh…They eyed each other.

What a team we are.

"Trace?..." Ted eyed his wife's smug look.

"You…Didn't." Barney, cold stare at Tracy's Mona Lisa smile.

"No…" Robin, rage on face, pulling phone.

"What?" Ted blinked.

Oh my God.

"Tracy? You arranged a marriage for Penny?" he stared as Robin frantically dialed, Barney at her side anxiously urging her to dial faster.

"A marriage without telling me? With the son of Marshall Erickson?" Ted gasped.

"Don't worry. I'm big-hipped for my size." Tracy grinned. "Penny will manage."

You wonderful girl…Ted beamed.

"Marshall! Put Lily on the phone! Now!" Robin cried.)

I suppose I should include their betrothals in my actual tale to the kids. Haven't really felt able to broach that one to either yet.

But Ellie is growing into a wonderful girl whom Luke already has eyes for and Marvin is an Erickson, no question. Though I suppose I should warn him, one day, as an uncle, that Penny may do the 'wandering round looking for true love' nonsense for a bit before she realizes you can't escape finding it in an Erickson.

Maybe there's enough of Tracy in her to curb that.

Anyway, the real question is, do I mention this little fantasy ending of mine to my kids one day in 2030 when I think they're ready to hear the full story and explain that it came at a difficult time in my life.

It does explain a few things they've noticed even now in 2025…A year after that day in 2024 Tracy decided she couldn't resist watching the first CD I'd made that weekend alone in the house…

A time when I came very near doing an incredibly dumb thing.

Yeah, typical Ted Mosby….

And she may forgive me completely, someday…Yeah, I think she will. The cancer gave me leeway and she didn't say she was leaving me or would hate me forever. And she is back in the house, saying she's accepted it was just a fantasy, however hurtful and crushing…She understands, though it was hurtful and crushing…

Did she mention that, she asked? About it's being hurtful and crushing? Oh, yeah… I think so…

But, sensible girl that she is, she always worried less about Robin and more about my fantasies about Robin.

She kept holding off marriage after all, through countless proposals, much as she did want to say yes, because she knew I hadn't gotten over Robin.

Though she did get pregnant twice, making sure I was committed…I said she was a sensible girl.

Love of my life, truly.

Though this one sure didn't help…

Well, ok. To it then, the final bit told honestly…Lets get it out and on paper, before the second recording and burning for Lily's…And Marshall's (yeah, right) review…And a day watching it with Tracy and hopefully, putting a ghost to rest for good.

Please? You didn't think I was just rattling this off off the top of my head all this time?

One good thing…Tracy was too eager to see the end and fast-forwarded over most of it, intending to save it to watch with me later. The rest might make her see it all in context…And make her laugh.

Despite the hurtful and crushing stuff, of the first draft…Which was after all, a fantasy…

Yeah…Erase that…We don't need to set ourselves up for another "So…This is the fantasy way you wanted things to go?"…]Scratches out above line]

"Kids. Before you call Mom or walk away, possibly to curse me like the Vorenus kids in 'Rome' did their dad and for equally good reason, let me explain…" eyes stunned faces. "I only wanted to tell the whole story, so you'd understand why your mom was upset…Very upset…With me a few years back."

Praying God by 2030 she's over things…I got lots riding on this second draft…

"You know it was me who got cancer in late 2017 and nearly died…Well, that was only one of several bad things that happened that year. Though at the time, I was foolish enough to think some of them were to my benefit."

Part I…

November 2017…

Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, New York City.

"So…Mr. Mosby." The efficient-looking, bald, 50s-ish oncologist standing in his office, regarding several posted MRI and CAT scan photos, turned to the nervously entering Ted in corduroy jacket. "Have a seat."

"Sure…" Ted took seat hastily.

"I was going to try a bit of schmoozing about that architectural career of yours that you apparently think is the equivalent of saving 300 plus lives a year in the medical profession." Hard stare…

"Well…I never specified a number…" Ted, twisting in seat. "And it was in the sense of…Saving the very soul…"

"If you were a garbageman, I'd concede the point." The oncologist frowned. "A good garbageman saves potentially millions each year. I'd grant that. An architect? Eh, no. But, I may as well come straight to the point. I'm not happy with these results, Mr. Mosby." The doctor had come to the edge of the desk. "Not happy at all." Stern look.

"I'm…Sorry…?" Ted, gulping slightly.

"You should be." The doctor frowned. "It's very hard to have to be the bearer of such news."

"A little hard to be the receiver…Ah, ha, ha, ha…Ha." Ted, gulping again at the glare.

"Indeed." Dry stare. "Mr. Mosby, you have cancer of the liver. Definitely stemming from your Hepatitis C."

"Hepatwhatis…?" Ted blinked. "I have…?"

"Hepatitis C. It's generally a long term illness that can be managed. But inevitably liver damage occurs and cancer is always a risk. For you, it's no longer…A risk."

"But…?"

"It's a pity you weren't detected sooner. You are sexually active, aren't you?"

"Uh, well…On occasion…" Ted nodded.

"That, shared needles, blood transfusions…"

("Kids. I did not share a needle. But…You have probably wondered about all that promiscuous sex in NYC from 2005 on…Well, in the end, there were some consequences.

But of course, none for Uncle Barney, damnit it, sort of. Not that I don't love your Uncle Barney.")

"…all potential routes of infection. Heck in NYC, a dirty knife or shiv puncture is a major risk factor. Were you punctured by a dirty knife or shiv in the past?"

Uh… "I don't…Maybe a kitchen or butter knife."

"This would have to have been in contact with a Hep C carrier." The doctor, not amused.

"No."

Unless…Ted pondered.

No, Marshall was an unlikely source even if he did wound me once with our swords.

After all, Lily got much…Almost as bad…And she hasn't…

Oh God, must call…Lily, yes. Marshall would freak even at the remote possibility.

("I know what you're thinking, kids. No, not Uncle Barney…Even though he did kiss Uncle Marshall that one time. You know he and Aunt Robin were tested down to the bone marrow when she was trying to get pregnant and also, whatever else he was in his wilder days, your Uncle Barney was responsible in one area.")

"Probably the sexual activity…" the doctor frowned as Ted sputtered.

"Yes, yes." Hand waving briefly. "You…Usually…Took precautions. But all it takes is once. And I'd guess you screwed the pouch more than once. Sorry, old flyer's term. I used to be a carrier pilot in the Navy."

Great, Ted thought. My judgmental doc has all the Right Stuff short of being a former astronaut…

"That must have been a great experience…" Ted began.

"It got me the shot at a mission on the ISS last year and NASA keeping me on the list for the first Mars mission." Nod.

"But back to your cancer. Doesn't really matter how you contracted the Hep C unless you had multiple sex partners who should be informed. I'm guessing you had a few, before that nice wife of yours?"

"Uh…Well…A few." Ted, trying to get expansive.

"A lot of women in New York City will have sex with any fellow who seems to have a little money and not have any more of a clue than they." The doctor sighed. "Still, given you're not likely to have had many, you might try to contact the ladies, warn them you may have endangered their lives even if you screwed it up in the sack."

("Yes, kids those were his exact words."

"And yes, first thing I did after leaving was to have your mom tested. Though we'd tested earlier, she liking to do it routinely. She played in a band, as I told you."

"What?" cut to kids again on couch, for real, in 2030. "Are you saying…Mom?" Luke, blinking.

"Only a couple of times, with guys who seemed nice. Hey, she was in a band."

"Mom is the coolest…" Luke beamed, high-fiving Penny.)

"Ah, ha… Excuse me…First…I don't really have any idea how to reach anyone I've dated in the past. Well excepting one or two people I still keep in touch with. Secondly and more important, I've been tested before." Affected air. "I may look like a rube originally off the interstate from Ohio, but…I know the score. I took responsibility for my actions."

Bro…Barney in fantasy offers high five slap. Returned, in fantasy.

"HIV, right? You're still negative there. But some of the clinics only recently started Hep C screening." Dry tone.

"Well…But I did get a full screen two years ago. See my friend Barney…"

"You've had gay sexual activity? Better include those partners."

"What, no. I just mean my friend Barney is very careful. He kinda has to be…Had to be. Really, had is the right one, had to be."

Bro…Touched Robin in fantasy offers high five. Returned, in fantasy.

("Ted. A true bro takes responsibility for his actions sexual." 2005 Barney in bar booth, lecturing. "It's one of the cardinal rules of the Bro Code. "Besides, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV spoil one's awesomeness. So, first thing next week, I'm taking you to the finest medical clinic in NYC where a baseline testing…Of the most complete nature….Will establish that you, my young apprentice, are free and clear to enter the world of Brodom. And afterward. With each new experience will come, a repeat testing."

"After each time?" Ted stares. "And who are you again?"

"Stinson, Barney Stinson, your new best bro. What? No. Before. Ted, after is thirty…Well, twenty…Well, for the master at least, ten…Minutes too late."

"You're saying you test yourself before each sexual experience?"

"Of course not. I test the girl. Hey, I'm clean and verified."

"What?" Ted taken aback. Ow! "Can we move to that booth over there? I keep hitting my head on this fish trophy. And it has the hook in its mouth." Barney, looking over…Hmmn…

Awwwwwe…The booth…The Booth…Glowing in its freshly cleaned and shined glory.

Ok, maybe not so clean and shiny…

"Yeah, sure…" nod. "It's closer to the bar anyway. Trust me, Ted, you want a nest close but not too close to the bar. For as you must recall from my second lecture…"

"That must have been someone else, we just met last night."

"Ted Mosby, architect with bad goatee, lectures one through four last night, currently on lecture six before you begin your first of many assignments." Barney noted. "I see we need a pop quiz. Babes at bar versus babes in booths?"

Sigh…Still…

Well, I could never resist a pop quiz, kids.

"Bar."

"Good. And why? But first, lets adjourn to our new lair…"

(And that, kids…Is how we met…The booth.

And you know why, I already discussed Barney's babes at the bar theory…)

"Ok. This one's better. " Ted nods. "Note the crossventilation from the air conditioning and the door. It's perfect. And look, the TVs over the bar and on that wall are in perfect viewing alignment. The seat cushion is firm yet has just enough give…"

"Most important, from here I have a perfect view of the three best barstools, the sad and pathetic loser chicks seated alone in them, and any reasonably hot female bartender/waitress womanning in Carl the bartender's place for an evening. It's perfect. This is our meeting place, forever, my young apprentice. It is…Our booth."

"Well, it's not…Our booth. Though that would be cool." Ted notes

"Say no more. Really, don't jinx it, Ted. Carl?" Barney calls to the bartender. "I promise to never hit on any female relative if we are forever granted this booth. A Bro pledge, never to be broken."

"Can I punch you in the face again if you so much as say hi to my grandmother?" Carl calls back.

"Done, my friend." Nod. Returned by Carl. Done.

"That's a sacrifice, Ted. Carl's granny is very sweet and for an early sixties-ish chick, hot."

"After I finish this beer and order something much stronger to get that image out of my head…" Ted notes. "You can get back to explaining to me just how you could possibly manage to get the women you sleep with…"

Barney, left fore- finger raised… "Only fifty percent rate 'sleep with' Ted."

"You mean, fifty percent of the women you successful ly manage to have sex with, you get to leave right after sex?"

"What is security for, Ted?"

"And another hard drink to remove the image of crushed and betrayed young women being ushered out into a dark night."

"Well, hopefully the doorman/security guard calls them a cab…I pay hefty enough fees in my building. As to your question? It's easy. Though a miracle of modern science… " pause.

Cut to shot of Barney's apartment, lovely brunette in somewhat revealing dress, seated on sofa at coffee table.

'Dear…Would you do me a favor and pour me just a bit more wine whilst I find the perfect music for this special night which we…You and I…And several gentlemen I may discuss it with for reasons of comparison, contemplation, and crowing…Will remember…"

"Sure…" young brunette takes bottle as Barney moves to wall and starts fiddling with controls.

Close up on bottle…

"Oooh…That feels like sandpaper, a little…" the woman notes. "Tickles my finger a little." Pause… "Wow, does that mean it's special?"

"Oh, indeed…Special. As you are, my darling..." Hmmn rhymes with…?

"Right, always tie the first name to a rhyme, they appreciate that you remember their name…I hate that I remember that rule." Ted, frowning.

Seesaw? Coleslaw? Ah, Li…sa.

"…Lisa."

"That's me…I think…I had a lot to drink tonight." Lisa noted.

Thank you, Carl and your low, low happy hour specials on Ladies Night.

"And yes, dear…Lisa…That bottle is very special." Barney smiles.

"Indeed, the bottle top foil has an ultra thin abrasive applied, Which very slightly and painlessly scrapes the finger, leaving a residue of skin cells and the tiniest trace of blood." Barney notes as Ted stares.

"Sample…Acquired."

"There…" Barney in apartment notes. "The perfect music. Let me take that bottle out of our way, for now." He takes bottle to counter by wall.

"Darling? Don't miss the fantastic view of the New York City skyline through my well-appointed flat's window." He addresses the brunette with sudden switch to mild British accent.

"Say, are you British?" she coos. "I thought you just spoke Britishy."

"Caught me, did you, love? Yes, though I have been in the States for many years." Barney beams. "But don't miss the view, sweetheart."

"Oooh yes… It's great."

Barney deftly peeling foil off bottle with right hand, pressing buttons with left, one causing a new bottle to rise up next to the old, an exact copy, already uncorked. The other causing two chutes to open, one for the old bottle the other for the peeled foil. He turns back to the woman just as she turns from the view.

["I love his gadgets." 2020 Robin noted.

Wait. "Robin, this is my tale…" 2020 Ted groused.

"Yeah, but I'm prepping my tale of How I Met Your Dad and Why I Didn't Run Like Hell for our kids. Just borrowing a bit I like. One I probably thought of first, anyway."

"Borrowing, is it? Always 'borrowing' aren't you guys?" Ted fumed]

Anyway…Still in the previous parenthetical scene, kids…

You know me and digression. Which is the key to rich storycrafting…

Ok, so…

"Then the sample is immediately dropped into the proper media for analysis and a portable automated biochemical lab in my apartment acquired as a result of a hostile takeover of a failing biotech startup checks it out. Any red flags and my smoke detector and earthquake imminent alarms go off, allowing me to escort the young if not so pure lady to 'safety' out of my apartment and into a cab home with an appropriate goodbye of permanent nature.

"Get lost, you polluted whore!" cut to shot of Barney shoving woman into cab.

Or in some cases, where the lady seemed troubled by her past…

"I should admit, Lord Bernard, I have been with a lot of guys…" the woman notes just before Barney sends in the foil for analysis.

Fifteen minutes later, standing by cab…

"Yeah…I would love to ride with you to a safe location and bang you into the pavement there but I just don't think we have what it takes for a long term relationship. And that's the only kind I can have…" faraway look. "Being British and all."

"Well, you did wait for the analysis…" Ted notes. "Indeed. A gentleman always checks them out, just in case it's go to bang." Barney agrees.

"And that, my young apprentice is the key to a long and deformative sexually transmitted disease-free life. Abide by this Code rule…'Negative test, she's the best…Positive clear, she's outta here'."

"Every time?" Ted stares. "You manage to get a sample and analyze it everytime."

["Gave us a head start in getting our license and the baseline gene testing for Dyad." 2020 Robin proudly notes.

"Will you stop crossing into my story timeline? It's confusing." 2020 Ted frowns.

"Still say I thought of it first, the rest is just words." 2020 Robin grouses.

Just…Words? Robin?]

"Every time." Barney nods. "Never forget. Abide by the Code, always, my apprentice."

And naturally, while I was fairly carefully, this would be the one time the Bro Code would have been wise to heed by the letter. )

"And my friend saw to it I got very complete testing …I'm sure it included Hep C." Ted noted.

"When was the last very complete testing?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I'm not sure exactly…About…" pause.

"I think that explains it." The doctor.

Wait…

"Now I remember…Barney insisted I get tested with him just before he hooked up with Robin for the final time…["Really? You really wanna mention that to your kids?" Robin fumes. "Will you get out of my tale-spinning brain?] There wasn't anyone after…Oh…" Grim look.

Jeannette.

Kids, you remember Jeannette from my first version. The last girl and probably in many ways the worst I met before meeting your mother. Nothing there was altered. She was an utter and dangerous loon.

But…It wasn't her.

And no, I wasn't lying about your mom not having Hep C or liver trouble like me. But band players and singers are often sexually very active and somewhat careless.

Just not the female one, in this case anyway.

See, kids, you remember Darren, the evil singer who took over Mom's band for a while round the time Uncle Barney married Aunt Robin? And you remember I punched out his lights when he ran into me before Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin's wedding and made me drop that $600 bottle of scotch I'd risked jail for to steal to share with Uncle Barney? Well, maybe you've heard that one of the worse things you can do, infectionwise, is punch a human being in the mouth…We're cesspools of disease there, frankly. And yes, Darren was both sexually active and careless. As to dental hygiene as well as unprotected sex….

He was also less lucky, God rest his evil soul as we learned later.

"Ok, putting the question of how I met Hep C aside…" I tried light humor. "After I get my girlfriend checked out…Oh, God my twice pregnant girlfriend…"

"She's been tested all through her pregnancies and after the first birth and I doubt there's much chance detection slipped by since the last test. We should have her in again though. Hep C can hide well."

"I'll see she comes." Nod.

"All right. Now as to treatment. The bit of good news is that your cancer while very serious, can be treated and has been with some success. But this form of cancer is aggressive and serious and there are no guarantees."

Kids, that's not to frighten you. You know I beat the odds, passed the five year survival mark and then some, and treatment's advanced since. I just wanted you to understand how terrified I was in late 2017. I had a son and a newborn daughter . A woman I loved dearly…Now, all of it seemed about to go right down the usual Ted Mosby crapper.

That's why I pressed your mother again to marry me. And while she had never taken back her first "Yes", she suggested, again we wait.

Wait…Why? You may ask, as I should've. But I told myself, yet again, it was fine. I didn't want to louse this up, the best thing I'd ever had. If Tracy needed time, for some reason, {"Yeah. 'some reason'…Hello." Robin, sarcastically in my head. "Will you please?" "When you will." Smile.] I was ready to…Wait. No pressure…

"I'm dying, we have to get married…"

She blinking at me…


	2. Chapter 2

HIMYM-The Never Ending Story…

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Summary: Ted fesses up the rest of the story to his kids. And others…

Note: Before you jump on me if you prefer to stick to ending one as aired, fine by me. But they did create an upbeat alternate ending which can be viewed (sorry can't put the web link up on ffnet but try google search or youtube or go to my Buffy Rebecca verse in a few days.

And oh, come on. After that Canadian rehersal dinner and the proposal, how could Barney ever let Robin go? And you know she'd kill him first. You want "in the real world", fine…Robin's not right for him and Ted's a fool to risk his happiness over the wrong girl but the right best friend

Part II…

"Kids, you know your mom is the most sensible and level-headed collector of useless antiquities and random facts we know. Far more so than yours truly.

What you may not know is, she's quite the schemer when she feels it's important enough. But more of that later… It does tally with her level-headed ness, though.

Anyway… Only the risk of hurting someone, even as nasty a jerk as Darren, could keep her from being that level-headed, sensible person. And when it's a question of helping someone she loves, it's level-headed overdrive, to as you kids know all too well." (Cut to shot of Luke in gym shirt and shorts, seated on couch. "Ok, listen up, Mosby." Tracy at wall, Ted behind couch manning projector, she pointing to image on wall. 'How to Avoid Mosbian Humiliation in PE.', "Lesson one…Being there without being there. First, we find some piece of equipment that can never be repaired…And declare yourself able to fix it. Class over, you are still twiddling with it while having an opportunity to watch all the geekiest guys make their mistakes, which you will note for discussion here at home after dinner tomoorow")

"So…Her reaction to my news was the same level-headed and sensible manner, with a bit of that overdrive."

….

Sloan-Kettering Institute, one hour after Ted's previous departure…

"I don't care if there are forty patients waiting to be tested, not twenty!" Tracy fuming at desk nurse as she holds infant Penny, Ted looking sheepish, holding Luke.

"Honey, you and the kids were tested during your pregnancy…" he tried. "I mean I want a retest to be sure but…"

Hard stare wilting him…

"That's anxious Mom not Accusing Fiancée…" she explained. "I believe you. Barney's and our testing was too through. And Darren's widow called me the other night, crying again. It's got to have been him when you punched him. I should've put two-and-two together when your doc said the trouble seemed to be your liver and got you over here yesterday. But…" wan smile. "Good job, Sherlock…Score one for the other Mosby boy." She nodded,

"I'm sorry, Miss Mc Connell." The middle-aged nurse eyed your Mom as I noted Luke was….(Uh, I'll erase that. No need to embarrass my son.)….The middle-aged nurse eyed your Mom as I held Luke.

"…We can't do a blood test on your children or you just right now but I can schedule you…"

"I want my kids tested…Now!" Tracy, furious.

"No. Not now!" the nurse, with a pretty good glare of her own, one backed by years of suffering, beloved kids and adults winning her heart in that waiting room, only to start on what all too often still was a short and awful road.

"There are all these people waiting. They all need their results. too. I'll put you on for the next available or you can consult your regular doctor or a medical clinic. Here, I can give you a list." The nurse, calming, more kindly at Tracy's nervous tearing up.

"Sorry, thank you. " nod. Sigh as the nurse checked.

"I'm sorry to embarrass you, honey." She turned to me.

"Not a chance, you were great." Ted noted, beaming. "Thanks."

"And I don't mean to ignore what you must be going through…Oh, Ted." She started weeping.

"Tuesday, 7:30, the Rudman Clinic. They'll take good care of you." The nurse smiled, handing Tracy a slip. "And don't worry, your fiancée's right. Your tests before suggest there's no problem for any of you. Mr. Mosby, we'll see you on Monday, 1 pm."

"Too late, this afternoon." Tracy bristled again. The nurse frowing back…Eyes locked.

"I'll see what I can do but it's best to wait for a few more tests and review the options Dr. Friedman gave him."

"We'll be back this afternoon after we find a sitter." Tracy, grimly. "Come on, Ted." She pulled Ted along.

"You wanna get lunch?" he tried, as elevator doors closed to leave them alone. She on phone, waving him off as she adjusted Penny in her arms.

"Lily? Tracy. No, lets not talk about that till I see Ted's doctor…This afternoon. Can you mind the kids with Daisy and Marvin in an hour? Just for the afternoon, you said you'd be home early today. Oh, great. No, no time for you to talk to Ted now, you'd both start and then I'd start. Right. Right. Tonight? Great." She hung up.

"We'll be having dinner with the Ericksons at McLarens'. No drinking for you." She eyed me. "Ok, you get the cab, I'll call Barney."

Barney? I blinked.

"Hell we're waiting till Tuesday. Though we will repeat then, just to be 100%." She noted.

Barney?

"Barney? Yes, it's us. Barney?! Stop crying and put Robin on the phone! And is your babes' blood lab still up and running? Great. No, you can't talk to Ted right now. Fine, call him on your cell. Put Robin on…Robin?" she looked at Ted as the elevator opened, on the ground floor.

"Get the cab, then talk to Barney. And try not to cry, you'll scare the kids."

(Yes, kids…I cried when Barney called me, in the cab, crying himself. But, to be fair to two manly bros, Robin was bawling like…["I was not!" "Were too. Tracy had to tell you to buck up and make sure Barney's lab was fully functional." "Oh, yeah…Right. Your wussie fantasy Robin blubbering for poor Ted…Just like she's gonna go running from my Barney to you…" "Hey?! That took years, in my fantasy. And you did cry." "Ok, I cried. It was upsetting." "Right. Look, fantasy Robin 2.0, 2020, I'm sorry to you and Barney, about the fantasy divorce and all…" "You oughta be."]…Anyway, Aunt Robin and Uncle Barney were both very upset about my bad news, but as always with your mom pressing them, they came through and we got you both tested, courtesy the ex-Player King of NYC. God, it was kinda neat to see how Uncle Barney managed it, for real. His little lab was amazing. And Aunt Robin, as you can imagine, was so proud… Hard as it might be to imagine when one thinks of the former purpose, it was great that it was the ingenuity of your Uncle Barney that confirmed you kids and your mom were safe and clear. Though your mom was not so happy when I suggested we take full advantage of Uncle Barney's assist.)

"What do you mean, we stop having sex?" she frowned as we rode home, bound for our dropoff date with Aunt Lily…And I could guess, Uncle Marshall, rushing from his courtroom.

"I'm just saying, now we know you're safe, it makes sense we keep you so."

"I've been reading up on Hep C, it's not that easy to transmit. Besides, we just use a condom. You have heard of them?" she eyed me.

"Lets talk about it later."

(Kids, your mother is a reasonable and open person on many subjects. This wasn't one of them.)

"I'm not becoming a nun, Ted. We'll be careful, I'll be fine."

"Tracy. I've already gotten really bad news today. I don't want the follow-up to be worse."

And of course, as usual, I'd said the worst thing I could.

"You think anything could be worse, for me?" she burst into tears. "Look at me…" trying to wipe sobs… "I told you not to scare the kids…And you go and get me all… It's ok , Penny. Mommy's just a little upset over your dad's denseness, again." She cooed to the worried baby in her arms.

"Sorry…"

"Yeah, well, lets get to Lily's and get me in shape to face that nurse and your doc. We gotta get this put right." She looked at me, those big eyes, tear-filled but determined. "No one welchs me out of a delayed wedding and a long married life, Mosby."

"Well, speaking of weddings…"

"Later…" she put up a hand. "Barney and Robin really came through for us today…" she smiled.

"They did." Smile. "Who'd've thought Barney's vd detection system would end up helping us keep our kids safe."

"The Stinson Sexual Safety System, patent pending…Guaranteed to provide peace of mind to parents of randy teens as well as player kings. No wonder Robin insisted on keeping it." Tracy chuckled.

"And don't think we won't be using it on every kid our kids bring home." Ted, stern nod.

"Absolutely." Tracy agreed, smiling. "Did Luke…?"

(Yes, that does explain my and your mom's ritual of offering that fancy natural soda to every friend you bring home…Even in day care and kindergarten. And lets just say you lost your pacifier, Luke, ok?)

….

(Now kids, you know your Aunt Lily, however much she tries to build up Uncle Marshall, is the true rock of the Erickson family…However, this one was pretty hard to be solid and rocky about, given she was worried not only about me, her old friend…Tracy, her relatively new friend…Our kids…Her old best friends Robin and Barney…And above all, naturally, Marshall…My best friend. For whom, my news had been devastating… So, though, she tried her rockiest, it wasn't easy to face me that afternoon. She, back from her morning round of kindergarten, which she'd resumed teaching, as a substitute, in combination with her ongoing work as the Captain's art buyer/connoisseur since her and family's return home from Italy.)

"Hey Ted, Tracy…Oooh hello, lil' Penny…Luke, how big you're getting'…" she cooed. "We're so looking forward to having you guys this afternoon." She beamed at the kids. "Tracy, you wanna put Penny in Daisy's crib in the kids' room. Ted, big boy Luke can go in the playpen with Marvin…" she indicated the playpen.

"You need a minute." Tracy eyed her.

"Make it ten, please….?" Lily asked. Tracy nodding and carrying Penny off, closing the Erickson kids' bedroom door.

"Ted?! What the hell were you thinking?!" Lily, hitting Ted on arm…Ow…He rubbed arm.

"Sorry, sorry…That's not gonna break like in that cancer story on TV last Sunday?" she asked.

"No…I'm fine."

"No, you're not, Ted. Why didn't you tell us sooner?!"

"Lily." Sigh. "I just found out for sure this morning. I honestly didn't know."

"Marshall's a wreck, you know." She shook head. "Oh, Ted…" she hugged him, then pulled back as quick. "It is safe to hug you, right? I mean for my kids' sake? Oh, I'm sorry, that's sounds awful."

"Yeah, it's ok to hug…Just like with HIV." Wan smile.

"I'm sorry…So sorry, Ted. Damn you, I shouldn't be …" she suddenly fumed. "What were you doing? Even Barney didn't catch anything in all those bang ups…"

"It wasn't from a 'bang-up'. At least not as I can deduce."

She gave sour look. "What, the Mosby boys are on the case, again?"

"As a matter of fact…" arch look.

"Ted…" frown. "You do know my money would be on Jeanette."

"No, she's clean on this one. I ruled her out…Or rather, Tracy's calling her and threatening to cut out her liver for testing did. She was tested before her wedding, she's ok. It looks like it was Darren, from Tracy's band?"

"Darren….?!" Eyes turning red. "ARE…YOU….SURE?"

"Sure as I can be…" sigh. "He died of liver failure six months ago…Hep C positive, his widow'd called Tracy a few months ago and has kept calling since…We'd forgotten my story about hitting him. After I ruled out Jeannette since her past tests were negative, I remembered I'd hit him right in the mouth. I may be wrong but…Seems the most likely candidate." Shrug. "We'll be checking with anyone else I can think of I…Partnered up with…We already called Stella…." Smile. "Tony thought for a minute I was getting back at them for Wedding Brides I, II, III but she's ok."

"I see…" calmer now. "Poor guy, much as I'd like him to rot in Hell. Is his wife ok?"

"She was infected but they're treating it. His son is ok. Past girls they're checking on. Though of course, he got it somewhere too."

"Yeah. Ted…? How's Tracy?" she sat down on sofa and motioned for him to join her.

"She's good…You know. She's strong. And the kids are ok, you know…"

"Yeah, Robin and Tracy each called me…Thank God for the Stinson Sexual Safety System, patent pending."

"We'll confirm next week but it matches up with the past results so, yeah…Thank God…" woebegone look.

"Ted…" she hugged him. "Oh, my poor Ted."

"Oh, Lily…" he sobbed in her arms. "Why did this have to happen now? Now? Just when everything was going so well. Tracy, the kids, the house…My new building…Did you see my spot in Architecture New York, 'Ted Mosby, Promising New Architect'?" He looked up at her.

"Yeah…And, yeah…"

"I don't want to die, not now, Lily."

"Oh, Ted…The doctors?"

He sighed, sitting up. "They said it's hopeful, these days…But it's pretty serious."

"You know we'll do everything we can. Barney and Marshall won't leave a stone unturned, you know that."

(Kids, I should explain that even though your mom and I and Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall and on very rare occasions, when she's mad at him, Aunt Robin, still have some fun at Uncle Barney's expense, Aunt Lily wasn't simply talking with regards to him. As you both know, he found the Dyad Institute for Aunt Robin…And it made sense that the Chief of Emerging New Technologies at Gotham National Bank, former President of Development and Research, and ex-hippie/would be Peace Corps volunteer, Barney Stinson, would. I didn't finish his career story in my earlier version but after he destroyed his old boss and brought in the feds, Barney was the man in charge…No one else at Gotham, not yet arrested, knew the various global projects…Good and not-so-good like he did. So, within a few months after some dust settled, he was appointed acting President of Development and Research…And finally, the wanna be world saver in Uncle Barney kicked in, with the power to really do some good, backed by his wife who kept him informed and was informed by him as to where help was needed and where Gotham's money could make a difference. He already had a huge list, he'd been waiting for years for his chance and kids, he made the most of it. With the help of a certain lawyer uncle of yours who, on returning home after a year in Italy, needed a job and wanted one that mattered. He and Barney became a force to be reckoned with, changing the lives of many people around the world. I don't say everything Gotham National did after their takeover was good and noble, but I can say, with confidence, everything the team of Erickson and Stinson, Assistant to the President and President of Development and Research, was great. After getting things on track, Uncle Barney created his current job, allowing him more flexible hours to be with Aunt Robin and the kids while Uncle Marshall achieved his dream of becoming a judge at last, in Queens. Now, in 2025, Uncle Barney and Aunt Robin, now cutting back on her reporting travels, travel the world doing good, as young Bareny Stiinson always dreamed, just in a different way from what he'd once envisioned. Supporting ethical and sustainable development, helping startups all over the world while requiring they stick to ethical business models. So there really was no one more likely to overturn every stone and find the right one that could help me….)

"I know…" wan smile. "I know I'm just panicking…Old Ted the worrywart…How do you guys and Tracy put up with me?"

"It's not easy but hey, we don't see you that much as we used to, so…." Impish grin. "But we'll be seeing you a lot more. We won't abandon you and Tracy, Ted."

"I know. Welll…We'd better get her back in here. She'll think it wasn't Robin I used to be crazy about. Plus, good as she is with kids…"

"Yeah, but how's about I go see her first. I think she needs to talk to someone as much as you did." Smile.

"Good ole Ted, never able to see that others are hurting too." He sighed. "Sorry…"

"Don't be…You're entitled and your second thought was for her. Good old Ted, my hero, who always took care of us, that's how I view it." Lily beamed.

"Really?" warm smile… "I hope you guys believe I always wanted to take care of everybody…And I don't mean some revenge fantasy of an angry dying guy in a movie."

"You always did and do…" she patted him. "Ok, keep an eye on these two guys…" she indicated the play pen in the middle of the room and made for the door to the kids' bedroom, opening door after tapping softly, and immediately closing.

"Ye…ah…" Ted eyed the two boys in the playpen. "Just us guys here, eh, fellas?"

He turned at the sound of an agonized cry from behind the door…

No….Give her a moment with Lily. Lily will take care of it, she always takes care of us, he smiled.

"Long as we're alone, three bros together, boys, let me tell you a few stories you will not believe, about your Uncle Barney…"


	3. Chapter 3

HIMYM-The Never Ending Story…

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended

Summary: Ted fesses up the rest of the story to his kids. And others…

Note: Before you jump on me if you prefer to stick to ending one as aired, fine by me. But they did create an upbeat alternate ending which can be viewed (sorry can't put the web link up on ffnet but try google search or youtube or go to my Buffy Rebecca verse in a few days.

And oh, come on. After that Canadian rehersal dinner and the proposal, how could Barney ever let Robin go? And you know she'd kill him first. You want "in the real world", fine…Robin's not right for him and Ted's a fool to risk his happiness over the wrong girl but the right best friend

Part III…

"So, kids, Aunt Lily and your mom had their chance to address their fears for me…"

["Hah…Bawled like little babes, lots worse than I did." Fantasy Robin 2.0, 2020, noted, in my head yet again. "Jesus, Robin…People get upset at times like this, come on."]

Aunt Lily being in fact the one who nurtures all of us…And Tracy being utterly level-headed, it wasn't long before they emerged.

"So…" Lily wiped a few tears, Tracy busying herself with Luke at the playpen. "You're gonna see the special doctor again this afternoon?"

"I don't know…Tracy wants to try but…"

"Oh, we are seeing your oncologist again today, I'm getting the whole thing asap, they owe me that much." Tracy noted, firmly. "And we can use the right word, Lily…It's ok."

"Could we not…Except among us for now? Marshall's really not ready to handle this…Let him get started in with Barney to start researching for some practical help and he'll be ok, I promise. But just right now…" sigh.

"Sure, of course." Ted nodded. "Yeah." Tracy agreed, kindly. "I don't want him upset."

"Thanks…" beam. Doorbell buzz. "And there he is…" pasted smile, nervous glance to Ted who nodded, giving thumb's up.

Upbeat, all the way…

Ok…I only managed 'upbeat' for about two minutes after Marshall came in, trying to wipe the anxiety and upset from his face.

I can only say I wish Uncle Barney had been there to comment on his slight but growing bald spot. It would have helped a lot to hear a few jokes about painting a target there or measuring the daily recession, in correlation to any loss of bedroom performance, coupled to various citations of the Bro Code.

Somehow it just doesn't work as well when Lily does it. On the other hand, Aunt Robin…

But Marshall being Marshall, my breaking down, a little…Well, not a lot, I couldn't let Tracy and the kids be too upset…Was just what he needed. Someone to help and focus on…

Kids, I hope in this version I've made it clear what you already knew…That your Uncle Barney is a good and fine man…But even Aunt Robin will admit, reluctantly, that there is no finer male on this Earth than Judge Marshall Erickson. He has become what he most wanted to be, a man almost as good as his dad.

And while he later confessed to me he didn't see the good of pestering my oncologist and his team, he realized Tracy had to feel she was doing something. As did he and Barney and Robin and Lily…So, after a good ten minutes of putting me back together and a good twenty minutes of steady pep talk from the best coach on the planet, he sent us on our way back to what had become, not a world-famous cancer center but the place where his best friend would fight his way back. He had to return to court himself, after all…We'd soon see the world return to normal, he lied. Having every intention of clearing his schedule today and for weeks to come to work with Barney and Robin to find anything that could be done and to help in any mundane way he could.

…..

So there I was…Terrified but with the greatest wife and friends in the world, all pulling for me. And here's how I repaid them, after a weak show of forced courage once my treatments had begun.

I fantasized how my life could have gone…Telling myself I deserved better than this fate, to die young, my career and my life really just starting.

To what little credit I can claim, it was just fantasy, a little of what I like to think I do best, storytelling, to occupy myself while I lay in my bed, in my chemo chair, day after weary day…Trying to seem unafraid, trying to look strong and bear my pain like a man…Like a bro.

Barney had some inkling…And as he told me once when he could see I couldn't pretend any more… "A real bro clears the room and shuts the door…" even wooing Tracy out at times when I couldn't bear to have her see me like a frightened, trapped animal.

And I think he knew as well, that sometimes, lying there, I thought of Robin…And what my life with her could have been. Sometimes she'd never loved Barney and come straight to me. Other times, more often than I would wish, she'd left him for me. No, I'm not proud of that…For what I did to my dear bro as well as to my best friend, Tracy.

And Robin, your Aunt, you ask…Did she guess when I told the gang I was trying to write the story of our lives together, as a project to occupy me when I was bored…Read, screaming or groaning, or more often bored, duly unwell, and full of self-pity…No, I don't think she did. Certainly not as much as the others…You see, she was pregnant then, with their said miracle child, Ellie. And nothing could displace her joy or her fear for Barney and her baby if things didn't work out. And oh, yes, it was risky…And oh, yes…She suffered, though a difficult, even terrifying eight months, complete with dangerous surgery and at least one minute during the birth when we lost her. Thinking on it now, I realize she and Barney were almost abandoned by us. All eyes, even theirs, were on suffering Ted, with no time except an occasional, 'how's it going' to consider her.

No, she was very worried for me, Tracy, the kids…But as to whether one Mosby still mooned over her, even to dodge reality?…Nope. I'm convinced she did not. Her fantasies were about a certain ex-Player King and how would he live without her? Who could take her place and keep him on keel, save him from shattering like glass? Yes, she had enough on her plate, allowing for concern for her old friend and ex-…Roommate for whom she'd had deep feelings…To bother about my strange notions.

Let me sum it up…If Tracy and Barney had disappeared then, or were to today, she'd've married me in a heartbeat…Because Barney would want her to. Cause Barney's beloved old Ted would need her and there was no better bro to fill in. No, she never said that to me. But it was all over every conversation we had alone during that time and since. She loved me, dearly. But mainly because Barney did. And one day, I finally realized what it meant, what it had always meant.

At my best, I was one side of Barney…The romantic, thoughtful, caring side…And that was great. But Robin Scherbatsky-Stinson loved all of Barney…The better side…and the darker…No, not darker…There really is no dark side to Uncle Barney…The child's side. Not evil, just a bit selfish and above all, innocently joyful and happy, if careless and thoughtless at times. A side that love of her had restrained a bit for fear of losing her but which still peeked out frequently, sweetly and innocently happy and carefree…A side whatever pain it caused her, she loved every bit as much as the rest.

And perhaps, much as she might deny it, though my Tracy would not, she'd seen my own darker side…Not so innocent, not lovable at all…Utterly selfish and mean-spirited in a way Barney Stinson, at his most jaded and callous, hurt by a world not as innocent as he, could never be. A darker side Robin had always fled from…Wisely. You could want to slap the life out of Barney at his worst but you always knew he never meant to hurt anyone. Me, you knew I wanted to hurt you because you'd failed to live up to what I wanted from life.

And yes, I think that's why I recorded that first CD as it was…And left it as it was, for your mom and my friends to find and view one day, after I was gone. I wanted to hurt your mother and to hurt Robin and Barney, for living. For not saving me. For not being the sick one and me, the gentle knight, caring for them tenderly. That was supposed to be my role, not this.

It's a hard thing, kids, to look at yourself and see the person you really are, at your worst. I'm a good man in many ways. I do care and I do love you and your mother and my friends and many others, very dearly. But I'm also a man who wants the world to be what he wants it to be, rather than to accept it as Marshall and Lily have, creating their nest of love and joy that cocoons them against the worst in this world, and Barney has, innocently delighting in everything, and Robin learned to do, when she found the love of her life.

And your mom knew I meant to hurt her, just as she's always known my darkest, most selfish side. Loves it? No, God no…Understands it and tries to help me fight it off? Absolutely. And yes, she does all that because she is as like me as Robin is like Barney. Though just as Robin had to recapture her innocence and carefree spirit to be able to be with Barney, Tracy had to call back her anger and dissatisfaction with the world as it really is, so like mine. The death of Max, her first deep love, had driven them off…And left her loving selflessly, nurturing all in her presence, but within, numb. Choosing me didn't just bring two romantics together…It let two angry, disappointed souls find each other and fight it out, trying to make their visions of perfection, reality.

A perfect match, made at the Farhampton rail station…And those thousand little incidents I've told you about, the stepping stones on the way to our meeting.


End file.
